Why did the cat run away from the tree? It was afraid of the bark!.What do pampered cows produce? Spoiled milk.What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunder pants.Why were the parents so afraid of the energy drink? It was a Monster!.What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.“Why the big pause?”, asks the bartender. A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.”.Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.Why should you never trust stairs? They’re always up to something.Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it did not peel well.What gets more wet the more it dries? A towel!.What do you call a cold dog? A chili dog!.“Get out of here!”, shouts the bartender. Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrr!.Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.Working in a mirror factory is something I could totally see myself doing.A nurse told me, “Sorry for the wait!” I replied, “It’s alright, I’m patient.”.What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the barking lot!.What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.There are two types of people in the world, those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got 12 months they say his days are numbered.Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? He was just going through a stage.Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies.Why do you smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over. I got fired from my job at the bank today.What has four wheels and flies? Garbage truck.Why do mushrooms get invited to all the best parties? He was a fun-gi!.Why won’t it hurt if you hit your friend with a 2-liter of soda? Because it’s a soft drink!.When your teacher asks “Where’s your homework?” It took a sick day.Grandma: Back in our days, you could buy bread, milk, soaps, spices, eggs, meat, all for a dollar.Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9!.Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.What do dentists call their x-rays? Tooth pics!.Infographic: How To Tell A Joke To Your Friends The Right Way.April Fools’ Day Jokes To Tell Your Friends.Funny ‘Knock Knock’ Jokes To Tell Your Friends.Funny Jokes To Tell Your Friends At School.
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